It’s not me, it’s you.
It sucks to get dumped and because our society is oxygenated by indirect aggression and falsehoods we are often given paltry explanations or excuses for being left, set free, passed over and hung out to dry.
From “going in different directions,” to “need to focus on myself,” to “I can’t give you what you need,” reasons are a dime a dozen and universally thin.
Regardless of how the dirty work gets done, I recommend Jana Hocking’s, therapist tested, patient approved five step plan for winning after a breakup and remind you all to trust that the best is yet to come and what you need is on its way.
With healing on the horizon, we bring you a list of the reasons each zodiac sign gets kicked to the curb by love and dumped by their partners. Make sure to read for your sun, Venus and rising signs.
Please keep in mind that this list is purely for entertainment purposes, everyone deserves love and everyone among us can benefit from the merits of therapy to unf–k ourselves after the dissolution of a relationship. Chin up, ever forward.
Aries natives have an inborn need for excitement and heart rate acceleration. This makes them excellent athletes, hype men, first responders, and criminals and absolutely exhausting romantic partners. Being argumentative is their love language and they are prone to raising their voices and then shouting that they are not screaming. It’s a lot. On the upswing no one fares better post break up than an Aries who sees everything, including but not limited to a glow up, as blood sport competition.
Taurus gets dumped for being absolutely uncompromising on every front; finances, furniture, food and fidelity. Taurus is fixed earth meaning natives really dig in during discord, refusing to apologize or evolve even and especially when it is in their interest to do so. Basic recipe for an absolute f—ing tyrant. Never the less, this sign is rarely broken up with due in large part to being good in bed and great in the kitchen.
General instability is the chief reason Gemini folks get dumped. A partner never knows quite where they stand with a Gemini, an unsettling feeling that will surely deter water signs and emotionally mature partners. Not knowing you are wanted is reason enough to seek desire elsewhere. There’s a fine line between exciting and erratic and Gemini sure as s–t loves to tap dance on and over it.
Cancer folk get dumped for not knowing how to articulate their needs and expectations and then passive aggressively punishing their partner for not knowing how to psychically sense or intuitively correct their upset. Brooding is not communication. Because Cancers feel deep and love big, they take breakups hard and are voted most likely to masturbate while scream crying into an article of their ex’s clothing.
Ah Leos, with their constant need for attention, validation, praise and affection and their sulky, withdrawn demeanor when they are not treated like the golden gods they are. Being with one is akin to being a stage mom, cheer squad and handler, the work is tedious and the thanks amounts to standing in the shadow that they cast. Leos get dumped when their significant others realizes they don’t want to genuflect at someone else’s altar when they could be busy building their own.
Not everyone wants a lover that doubles as a life coach. In defense of Virgo, and I will always defend you, you weird, finicky, tree licking freaks, they want their partner’s to be the best version of themselves they possibly can be even if that means creating an unsolicited meal plan, set of work objectives or preferred script for conflict resolution. People who want to be loved for who they are not for the potential they possess are prone to give Virgo the ex ax.
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Libra gets fired from love relationships for their f–k boi antics; flagrant flirtations, indecisiveness and top notes of ghosting and white lies. Charming as can be and ruthless as you please, they are impossible to truly cut ties with as they are apt to reappear smelling fresh, looking good and talking sweet when you are at your most pliable. Other likely reasons Libras get dumped: check fraud and or cheating on you with your sibling.
Scorpios get dumped when their significant others tire of mind control, staring contests and baseless accusations of betrayal. Rest assured though, if you break up with or break the heart of a Scorpio you will RUE the day.
This is the sort that keeps one claw on every ex, finds revenge fantasies energizing and will live every day with the pure purpose of reminding you how very wrong you were. While it may take an act of faith to end things, it takes an exorcism to truly be rid of them.
This is a bit of a trick question as someone born under the lucky stars of Sagittarius is unlikely to find themselves in a committed relationship and/or may have lack the knowledge of what a commitment truly is.
And therein my friends, lies the crux of what makes them dump-able. This ilk is wheeling and better dealing, always game to trade upnand incapable of saying no to a good time. Renowned for their love of adventure and the open road they use humor and flakiness as a means to run from the greatest journey of all….true intimacy.
Capricorn is born to grind, prioritizing business over pleasure, ROI over relationships and financial success over personal enrichment. This priority pyramid often leaves their partners feeling second best and primed to find someone with a better work/life balance.
Due to the influence of planet Saturn, sea goats set high and punishing standards for themselves and their lovers and failure to meet or exceed can result in truly odious and off putting dad vibes, the kind that trigger a need for rebellion and retreat in their romantic interests.
Aquarians are radically self-reliant. In kind, they struggle to meet the needs of others or recognize when to offer/deliver attention, affection, comfort, conversation etc. making a romantic partnership feel more like a dark master/eager minion, genius/supplicant dynamic than a true and equitable relationship.
The idea of being needed feels like a trap to them and as such they can come across as aloof at best and disdainful worst. For those who find nothing hot about the cold shoulder, it’s game over.
Pisces have a peculiar gift of avoiding breakups by acting badly enough to get their partner to break up with them so they don’t have to be the culprit/bad guy/accountable party. On the off chance it wasn’t Pisces passively ending the relationship, they can blame their tendency to project an absolutely faulty romantic fantasy.
Pisces and the rest of the zodiac wheel can take comfort in the words of fellow fish Rihanna, “Just believe that the heartbreak was a gift in itself! Cry if you have to, but it won’t be forever! You will find love again, and it will be even more beautiful! In the meantime enjoy all that YOU are!!!”
And by enjoy she definitely means pour a drink, take a nude and text an ex further down the list. Cheers to the good life, the single life and living well as the best revenge.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
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